How to Stop Being So Rude to Yourself
Keep reading this post to learn:
⋒ What limiting beliefs are and how they keep you stuck
⋒ How to use the P.I.E.S Method™ in order to reframe your limiting beliefs
⋒ Tips on how to cultivate and maintain a healthy mindset
Tackling limiting beliefs is usually really eye-opening for a lot of people and can feel a little bit overwhelming if you’ve never worked through them before. Chances are, if you’re reading this blog post or listening to our podcast, you like routines, frameworks, and steps to follow – me too, lol. That’s why I created the P.I.E.S. Method™ so that I could have some concrete steps to follow to help me get out of my head and reframe limiting beliefs when they came up.
A limiting belief is a thought or state of mind that you think is the absolute truth and stops you from doing certain things. These beliefs don’t always have to be about yourself. They could be about how the world works, ideas, and how you interact with other people.
Limiting beliefs rob you of showing up and sharing your gifts with the world.
Limiting beliefs keep you from pursuing goals that you want to pursue.
Limiting beliefs are hindering you from showing up fully for yourself and your family.
Limiting beliefs cause us to compare ourselves to others.
Limiting beliefs are causing you to procrastinate and make excuses.
Limiting beliefs are creating resentment in your life.
Limiting beliefs are holding you back from operating at your full potential to pursue your purpose and causing you to show up as a watered-down version of yourself.
Limiting beliefs essentially cause us to be really rude to ourselves… hence the title of this week’s post!
When you learn how to reframe limiting beliefs, you’re able to be kinder and more gracious with yourself. And that affects every area of your life because you show up differently when you’re operating from a place of peace and confidence.
How to Reframe Limiting Beliefs
Getting your mindset right is not a one-and-done thing that you can check off a list. It takes consistent diligence, intentionality, and discipline. We are always learning and growing as individuals so we need to make sure that we are frequently checking in with and assessing our thoughts. Assessing our thoughts is not the same thing as judging our thoughts. Being judge-y toward ourselves is a waste of energy. By assessing I mean examining our thoughts and making note of any patterns that we notice. It’s digging into why we are thinking the way we are thinking - paying attention to what our thoughts are rooted in and doing what needs to be done to create new patterns.
We talked about our minds in episode 207 of the podcast (here is the blog post for that one if you prefer to read!) – so just a few weeks ago – our thoughts create these loop patterns in our brains – so if you’re consistently repeating negative things, your loops become negative. Whereas if you’re consistently repeating positive things, your loops become positive.
So if you find your thoughts filled with limiting beliefs like:
“Everything always goes wrong for me.”
“I’m not smart enough to be a business owner.”
“I’m just so busy. I don’t have enough time to invest in myself.”
“Oh she’s so lucky, of course, she gets to do that.”
“I’m going to fail if I try this project because I’ve always failed in the past.”
I’ve got you – we’re gonna talk through the 4 steps that you can follow to help reframe a limiting belief and rewire your brain so that you can speak words of life.
Introducing the P.I.E.S. Method™ – 4 steps to reframe a limiting belief
When it comes to reframing limiting beliefs, think about an actual roadblock. Imagine you’re driving down a road and you see, off in the distance, something in the road – maybe it’s a log or a piece of trash or roadkill (yikes, lol).
You don’t stay focused on the problem (whatever is in the road) you focus on the solution (getting around it so you can keep driving to your destination). You’re not going to drive up to the roadblock, see that it’s there, and then turn around and go home instead of figuring out how to get to where you were trying to go. You‘re either going to determine you can go around the roadblock and continue forward (think about your smaller limiting beliefs) OR you’re going to turn around and find a new way to get to your destination (think about your bigger limiting beliefs).
Either way, you’re focused on the solution more than the problem. Okay so keep that in mind as we break down the P.I.E.S. Method™ – y’all know I love a good acronym so let’s do it:
Pause
Identify
Evidence
Solution
Step 01: Pause
When you notice a limiting belief pop into your thoughts, pause for a moment instead of spiraling. We can’t always control the thoughts that come into our minds but we get to choose how we respond to each thought. An intentional pause helps us take an emotionally neutral step forward (as opposed to an emotionally charged step forward).
A pause can look like:
~ 30 seconds of taking deep breaths with your eyes closed
~ Taking a 5-minute walk outside
~ Calling your best friend to see how they’re doing
~ Reading a chapter of a fiction book
~ Playing with your dog for a few minutes
The purpose of the pause is to focus on something else for a few minutes to help you not ruminate.
Step 02: Identify
Once you’ve taken a pause and you feel like you’re in charge of your mindset and won’t spiral, go back to the thought that popped in your mind and identify what the thought was specifically. Get clear on the thought and call it out – give it a name. I read a parenting book back in December called The Whole Brain Child and a strategy they talk about in that book is called “name it to tame it” – it’s a way to help your kid navigate a big emotion. Giving things a name helps us to process them better.
Step 03: Evidence
Now that you know exactly what the thought was that popped into your thoughts, it’s time to put on your detective hat and find evidence to support this claim. Ask yourself a few questions:
~ What is this thought rooted in?
~ Is that true?
~ What is true based on evidence?
Step 04: Solution
Now that you’ve determined what is true and have proof of that via evidence, what are you going to do to move forward? I love using affirmations to re-route my negative beliefs.
Tips for using affirmations:
~ Write them in the present tense
~ Inject emotion into them by making them personal to you (think about experiences you’ve had)
I know y’all love a concrete example so let’s work through a limiting belief using the P.I.E.S. Method™:
Let’s say I’m about to launch a new product and I notice a thought pop into my mind as I’m designing it that makes me feel crappy.
Pause:
I step away from my desk and go for a 5-minute walk outside.
Identify:
When I come back from my walk, I identify the limiting belief by specifically calling it out. What does my self-talk sound like that was making me feel crappy?
“You aren’t really qualified to create planners – you have no idea what you’re doing.”
Evidence:
~ What is this thought rooted in?
Imposter syndrome – feeling like I’m not qualified to create and sell planners because I didn’t go to design school or business school.
~ Is that true?
It is true that I didn’t go to design school or business school but it’s not true that you have to have a degree or training to create and sell planners.
~ What is true based on evidence?
I’ve created and sold planners for 5 years and every year they’ve sold out. I get messages every week about how my planners are helping people. I also operate my business with integrity and hire a professional designer who is trained in InDesign to collaborate with so that I know my planners are created well.
Solution:
Affirmation - “I design planners with intention and integrity and have seen how they help real people live peacefully productive lives.”
Now keep in mind, this is going to take some practice – and the way you implement the P.I.E.S. Method™ might look a little bit different every time you use it. That’s totally fine – as always, the frameworks that I teach you are just that…frameworks! You’re the one in charge of designing and building your house – this is just the blueprint to help make the design and building process a little easier, you know?
I do want to talk about one more thing that I think helps the P.I.E.S. Method™ support you better and that is doing what you need to do to cultivate and maintain a healthy mindset.
Now that you know how to identify and overcome limiting beliefs, what are some ways that you can cultivate and maintain a healthy mindset?
Tip #1: Create a thought life that aligns with your values
Being mentally strong/healthy isn’t about acting tough, it’s about acting in alignment with your values.
To act in alignment with your values, you have to think in alignment with your values.
To think in alignment with your values, you have to be clear on what your values are.
I have value statements that I read almost every morning. Here they are:
⋒ I live with intention and operate in my purpose of being like Christ every day.
⋒ I am a calm and present wife and mom cultivating a peaceful home.
⋒ I am the confident CEO of Hustle Sanely®, an impactful business that helps women take ownership of their lives and that makes an abundant income for my family.
Tip #2: Create a mindset hygiene routine
Your mindset is a like a muscle – it is made stronger through repetition. We talked all about that in episode 207. You can either repeat negative thought patterns and strengthen those in your life or you can repeat positive thought patterns and strengthen those in your life.
You get to decide.
We need to internalize truth in order for it to overcome our limiting beliefs. It needs to live inside of us to become an automatic response so it’s wise to harness the power of habits.
I am a big fan of morning routines because it’s a consistent time each day that I spend nurturing my mindset. Maybe for you that is an afternoon practice or something you do before bed. Or maybe in this season of life, it’s small habits sprinkled throughout your day to keep your mindset healthy.
My favorite healthy habits to nurture your mindset:
~ Journaling
To constantly be in tune with what’s going on in your mind so thoughts don’t build up or get stuck (I think of journaling as unclogging my mental pipes)
~ Affirmations
I choose an affirmation every month to say out loud every morning so that I’m consistently speaking truth over my life (repetition)
~ Gratitude
When we focus on things to be grateful for in our lives, we notice more things we’re grateful for.
It's easy to spot a yellow car when you're always thinking about a yellow car.
Easy to spot an opportunity when you're always thinking of an opportunity… easy to spot reasons to be mad when you're always thinking of being mad. You become what you constantly think about. Watch yourself.
Pro Tip: As I’m planning for the coming week, I love flipping through my journal and reading my gratitude lists from each day of the previous week. It really grounds me and sets me up to be in a good headspace.
~ Prayer + meditation
REMINDER: These types of things aren’t extra – they are as important as brushing your teeth or showering. Mental health hygiene matters!
And hey, just saying – a lot of these mindset hygiene habits are built right into the Peacefully Productive Journals!
Did you hear? 👀
We have a new course coming! On January 24th, I will be launching our newest program, the Hustle Sanely Lifestyle Course, AND there will be two options: one that is independent and self-paced, and the other which includes group coaching with me and the other students in the program! I designed this course to teach busy, ambitious women how to go from running on fumes to living a peacefully productive life no matter what season you’re in.
In this course, we do a deep dive into The 5 Keys to Hustling Sanely™ so you can learn the ins and outs of how to release overwhelm and pursue your goals while prioritizing your mental health and relationships using the new and improved Hustle Sanely Planning System. The updates that I made to the system haven’t been taught anywhere else yet so I am just so giddy to get this information to you because it is truly life-changing!
I am coming alongside you as your coach to help you get your mindset right, get clear on your vision, define your priorities, and create a schedule and routines that equip you to show up for what matters most to you.
We’re digging into overcoming mindset blocks, setting boundaries to protect your peace and your priorities, how to design routines for your season, and creating a Weekly Outline to guide your Weekly Prep Meetings so you’re not sitting there every Sunday night like
“Ummm what just happened???” with your head spinning.
I could go on and on – the course is PACKED with everything you need to help you build your version of a peacefully productive life and it is coming out SO SOON! Click the button below to learn more and join the waitlist!
Loved this blog post? Tune into the full podcast episode below!
