5 Steps to Setting Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are intended to protect our peace, time, energy, & health. Whether you realize it or not, you’ve got boundaries. If you haven’t created them yourself, others are creating them for you 😅
A lack of boundaries leads to a cycle of burnout, overwhelm, and straight-up exhaustion.
Keep reading this post to learn:
⋒ 5 types of boundaries that will help you Hustle Sanely
⋒ 5 steps to set healthy boundaries in your life
So boundaries - what the heck are they? I think that’s a solid place to start. I’ll give you Webster’s flowery definition first:
“A psychological distinction that protects the integrity of an individual or group or that helps the person or group set realistic limits on participation in a relationship or activity.”
To me that is saying:
Boundaries aren’t about keeping stuff out. They’re about protecting what’s inside.
Listen, if you don’t set boundaries for yourself, someone else is setting them for you. And I bet those people don’t have as much consideration for your vision, your time, or your energy as you do. And not in a rude way, but most people are in their own lane focusing on their needs. No one knows what is going on in your mind unless you communicate it clearly. You have got to take ownership of your life and create boundaries so you can go through your days energized instead of from a place of being burned out and overwhelmed.
Boundaries require you to determine what you need/want and clearly communicate those things.
Last month, I read a book called Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab (I actually talked about it in a podcast episode last month because it was THAT good) and her book made boundary-setting extremely. lear for me so I wanted to pass that onto you.
Here’s the real deal: a lack of boundaries is the root cause of other issues like:
Struggling with time management
Struggling with relationships
Struggling with overwhelm
Struggling with burn out
So if you are sitting there nodding your head like YES OKAY CAN RELATE, then you 10/10 need to set some solid boundaries in your life, babe! Let’s start by talking about different types of boundaries.
5 Types of Boundaries
01. Emotional: Refers to dismissing emotions and emotional dumping
Examples:
~ “My feelings are valid and I’m not okay with you minimizing them.”
~ “I’m sorry that you are having a hard time but I’m not mentally equipped to help you through this right now. Can we plan another time to work through this?”
02. Physical: Refers to your personal space and physical touch
Examples:
~ “I like shaking hands rather than hugging.”
~ “Please move over a little, you’re too close for my comfort.”
03. Mental/Intellectual: Refers to your thoughts and ideas
Examples:
~ “You can disagree with me but you can’t treat me poorly because of it.”
~ “I won’t tolerate you calling me names or raising your voice because you don’t like my idea.”
04. Material: Refers to your possessions
Examples:
~ “I’m happy to loan you the money but I expect to be paid back by next Tuesday.”
~ “Last time I let you borrow my shirt, you never returned it so I don’t feel comfortable lending you my clothes.”
05. Time/Energy: Refers to how you manage your time and how you allow others to use your time
Examples:
~ “I’m not able to stay late.”
~ “Sure, I’d love to help you organize your new business! My rate for new client set-up is $150 an hour and you can schedule a call by going to <insert website.>”
5 Steps to Help You Set Boundaries
01. Get clear on your vision.
Having a clear vision of what you want your life to be like, makes doing everything so much more fluid because you can identify what aligns with that vision and what doesn’t. So if you haven’t taken time to get clear on your vision, DO THAT FIRST!
02. Take inventory of where your time and energy are going right now.
A lot of us feel like we’re going, going, going all day but when you sit down at the end of it all, you can't, for the life of you, recollect what you did. That’s because we’re so accustomed to going through the motions without being truly mindful of what’s going on.
We live in a fast-paced society and we have to actively choose to not get swept up in that and to instead stay grounded and focus on what we’re doing. If we’re not aware of where our time and energy are going, as in, at the end of the day you can’t even remember what all you did or you’re struggling to figure out why the heck you’re so tired but yet you didn’t get closer to your goals or the vision you have for life, then we can’t set boundaries to help us.
03. Identify what is draining you but not getting you closer to your vision.
Call out what is draining you but is not getting you closer to where you’re trying to go. I’ve shared this example here on the show before but when I was in grad school it drained me, but it was also getting me closer to my goal of becoming an SLP - which obviously - my goals have since changed but it’s a good example. So in that case, I wouldn’t stop going to class even though it was draining because it was, in the long term, getting me closer to my goal of graduation.
Instead, I’d assess what was surrounding the feeling of being drained from going to class. I had to ask myself questions like:
~ Was I getting enough sleep?
~ Was I taking time to step away from technology before class started?
~ Was I taking care of my body by fueling it with solid nutrition and getting in regular workouts so I’d have the physical energy to be present during class?
~ Was I cramming too much into my schedule leading up to class?
You have to get to the root of why something is draining you if you want to remedy it. Don’t feel guilty for guarding your energy.
04. Create a boundary that helps protect that part of you that feels drained.
Ask yourself what do you need to protect in order to not feel drained in this area anymore. Use the boundary types and examples above to help you get clear on your boundaries.
05. Communicate the boundary as needed.
And hey - don’t be vague about it. Being straightforward is better for everyone involved, seriously! Tell people the boundary point blank. This is important for 2 reasons:
1. So your people can help hold you accountable
2. So your people will respect your boundaries. People can’t honor what they aren’t aware of.
If you enjoyed this post, tune into episode 089 of The Hustle Sanely Podcast to listen into this topic:
