Why You Can’t Decide What You Want In Life
Keep reading this post to learn:
⋒ A peek at my journey through figuring out what I wanted in life
⋒ 3 reasons why many people can't decide what they want in life
⋒ How to gain more clarity on what it is you want in your life and the action to take in order to get there
When you read the title of this blog post, “Why You Can’t Decide What You Want In Life”, where does your mind go? I bet most of you are thinking about your work. Real talk – that is where my mind tends to go, too! This topic hits really close to home for me because, if you’ve been following my journey at all, you might know that I have been known to be a chronic career hopper. And do you want to know what I learned as I hopped from thing to thing?
I was never going to find fulfillment from a job alone. So often I feel like we are seeking fulfillment from a job or career.
Can a job or career be fulfilling? Absolutely.
But what it can’t do is be the foundation of your self-worth.
The number one question that people ask when they meet someone new is, “So what do you do?” – and 9 times out of 10, they’re referencing in terms of work.
I feel like our society has normalized a work-then-life mentality. We are expected to put work/our job title first and then everything else in our life follows that. And I’ll be honest – when I was living in my hustle culture days, I was very on board with this mentality. Now, after being in my 30s, becoming a mom, and running a business that I adore for 5 years, I can say with confidence that is so backward.
When I was chasing trying to “figure out what I want to be when I grow up” above everything else in my life, not only was I constantly burned out and overwhelmed (because it’s exhausting to feel this pressure to have it figured out ASAP so you can “get on with your life” as the world like to make us feel) but I was never actually able to make a decision about what I wanted to pursue because I honestly did feel like I was crumbling under the pressure of hurrying up to figure it out.
The energy that you bring into something matters. When we are pursuing something from a place of franticness, it rubs off on the outcome.
If you are in a place where you continually change your mind and are constantly jumping from one thing to the next, I have been in that place. I mean, if you haven’t listened to episode 1 of my podcast, go back and listen, because you’ll learn how many twists and turns my life has taken as far as pursuing my dreams.
Cliff notes version: Before Hustle Sanely, I’ve worked in retail, as an admin assistant, on a wedding production set up team, as a personal trainer, as a speech-language pathology assistant. I changed my major in college 6 or 7 times. I dropped out of SLP grad school to pursue Hustle Sanely. When I started Hustle Sanely in 2018, I spent the first 2 years making pivots on pivots to figure out what I wanted to do. I tell you this because I don’t want you to feel judged or dumb or like you’re doing it wrong if you find yourself changing your mind a lot when it comes to pursuing your dreams.
3 reasons why many people can’t decide what they want in life:
01. We’ve got it backward. Instead of picking a career first and then making your life fit around it, have you ever considered designing the kind of life you want and then aligning your career with that?
Hear me out – maybe in the past, this would’ve felt impossible but we are living in the age of the internet, okay, and that means that you can actually create a job that doesn’t exist. Not to mention there are already SO many different, flexible job opportunities thanks to the internet – I’m talking virtual assistant, content creator, copywriter, Pinterest manager, social media manager, and the list can seriously go on and on.
You absolutely do not have to work a 9 to 5 if you don’t want to. I feel like the world we live in is still abiding by norms that were put in place because of how things operated like back in the 50s and 60s – before the internet. And I feel like a lot of us are settling for jobs we really don’t like at all because we feel like we have to go that more traditional route.
Listen – if the traditional route suits your fancy and lights you up, that is amazing and I love that for you, seriously. But if that doesn’t feel good for you or align with the kind of life you want to live – you have so many other options. My advice is to do the opposite of what we’ve been taught to do – get clear on your life vision first and then decide what career fits into that vision.
Work is PART of your life, not your entire life. Pick a career that aligns with the kind of life you want outside of work.
~ Is it important to you to have mornings free so you can take your time getting ready and getting your kids to school?
~ Is it important to you to be able to have evenings free to spend with your family?
~ Do you want to be able to go paddleboarding on a Friday afternoon?
Think about what you want your life to look and feel like. What are your priorities and how do you desire to show up for them? Because you do get to decide.
02. You’re distracted.
And when I say this I mostly mean mentally distracted. Life is loud. We are constantly inundated with information. I used to have a habit that I didn’t realize was actually terrible for my mental health – I was constantly consuming.
If I was showering, I’d put on a YouTube video.
If I was walking, I’d listen to a podcast.
If I was driving, I’d have music playing.
None of these things are bad – but I wasn’t giving my mind ANY time to process or decompress because I was always pumping information into it. What does this have to do with not being able to decide what you want in life?
When you’re constantly consuming, your mind is distracted from what’s going on in your own life. It’s hard to get clear on your vision. Not to mention, when we’re consuming all the time, it’s filtering how we view things through someone else’s lens. We tend to lose our own perspective if we are consuming 24/7.
So I encourage you to pay attention to what you’re consuming – make sure it’s content that lifts you up. And then pay attention to how often you’re consuming. Make sure you have time built into your days, weeks, and months to spend time reflecting instead of consuming.
Obviously, I love consuming content – I’m a content creator, lol, but I have habits and routines in my life, like silent showers, 10-minutes of solitude outside every day, morning and evening journaling, and monthly/quarterly check-in meetings to help me create space for my mind to decompress and process.
03. You’re seeking validation or permission from other people.
Let me ask you something – before you make a decision, how many people do you ask for feedback from? Who do you ask? And lastly, why are you asking them?
Before you ask for someone’s opinion on something, dig deeper and ask yourself these questions:
~ Do they live a life that aligns with how I want to live my life? As in, do their values match up with yours?
~ Has this person been in this kind of situation before/do they have sound advice they can offer me based on experience?
Having your core group of people help you make wise decisions is important. I’m not saying screw everyone else and do whatever you want – I’m just saying to be mindful about who you are inviting to speak into your life. Because if you have a bunch of people’s thoughts flying at you all the time, it’s no wonder you can’t figure out what you want in life…your vision is cloudy from all the opinions.
Whether you have it backward, or you are distracted, or you are letting too many people have too many opinions about your life… you are not alone. And the best part is, you have the ability to take back control and create a life you really love.
I am officially retiring the first course I ever created –
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Check out the video below to see if it is the right fit for you "
and enroll before it’s gone!
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Loved this blog post? Tune into the full podcast episode below!
