5 Things Causing You Unnecessary Stress
Keep reading this post to learn:
What stress is and how it’s often self-inducted (and fixable!)
5 things you probably didn’t even realize are causing you unnecessary stress
What you can do right now to start eliminating unnecessary stress from your life
Stress is defined as a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation.
Stress is unavoidable – there is absolutely no way for you to get rid of all the stress in your life… sorry if that comes as a shock to you but I keep it real around here, lol.
However, I do think that a lot of the stress in our lives is somewhat self-induced and very fixable. Sometimes, we get used to things – they become our norm – even if they’re not supporting us well.
That’s what these 5 things are – 5 fixable things that you probably didn’t even realize were causing you unnecessary stress.
01: Your standard of perfectionism.
Listen, I am right there with you if you identify as a recovering perfectionist. I used to think I wasn’t a perfectionist because I was like, “Oh I will go after a goal or put something out in the world before it’s ready so I’m not a perfectionist!” But then I read the definition of what a perfectionist is:
A perfectionist is someone who has an extreme tendency to demand high or flawless levels of performance from themselves or others.
If you know that Homer Simpson meme where he’s trying to disappear into the bushes…that’s me after reading that, lol
There is a major difference between doing things with excellence and being a perfectionist. I am ALL for doing things with excellence and being a woman of my word. But I’ve also learned that I have to check in with and monitor my self-created standards for things because as a high-achiever sometimes that standard is just not realistic or healthy.
One example from my own life and honestly y’all this is embarrassing to admit and I never have I don’t think – I didn’t start fully using my Peacefully Productive Planner until 2023.
So that means in 2021 (our first paper planner) and 2022, I didn’t fully use my paper planner because I thought that if I wasn’t using every single page to the fullest, I shouldn’t use the planner at all. Talk about an all-or-nothing mindset right? Yeesh.
I feel like an all-or-nothing mindset is a quintessential trait of a perfectionist. Thankfully, I’ve done a lot of personal growth work to help me overcome my perfectionistic standards and I’ve shifted away from all-or-nothing and now operate from a place of all in…which means I’m fully invested in whatever it is I’m doing but I’m willing to be flexible in my approach so that however I’m doing whatever it is, supports me well.
So in 2021 and 2022, because I wasn’t using a consistent planning system, I constantly felt like I was chasing tasks around and forgetting what needed to be done by when. It was mentally exhausting and I felt stretched so thin.
In 2023, I decided to use the pages in the Peacefully Productive Planner that worked well for me and gave myself permission to leave some pages partially filled out or even completely blank. It was SO freeing and I’m proud to say that in 2023 and 2024 I used my Peacefully Productive Planner for the entire year and it made the biggest difference in how I pursued my goals…it didn’t feel like I was chasing them, it felt like they were woven into my life intentionally.
So if you are a fellow recovering perfectionist, here is your permission to release the unreachable standard of perfectionism. Ask yourself where in life you are not showing up because you’re being plagued by the all-or-nothing mentality. Remind yourself that you are the leading lady of your life and you get to decide how to do things in a way that feels good for you…including using a planner without having to fill out every single space in it, lol
02: Turning hobbies into responsibilities
*insert that Homer Simpson disappearing into the bushes meme again, lol*
This one hits really close to home for me. I’m an entrepreneur at heart – my mind works in a way of figuring out how to make the most money I can without sacrificing a ton of my time. Which is mostly a blessing but sometimes it can be exhausting…especially when I try to turn a hobby (aka something meant to be relaxing and for fun) into something that I do to make money (aka a responsibility). Talk about sucking the fun right of the hobby!
Prime example – I fell in love with working out in 2009-ish. My daily weightlifting session was my me time. I loved (and still love) the feel of the barbell on my back. I loved feeling stronger week after week. I loved taking care of my body. People started asking me, “Have you ever thought about becoming a personal trainer?” I hadn’t – but comments like that got my wheels turning. So I got my certification and worked as a certified personal trainer for a good part of my early 20s. At first, I loved it…I got to eat, sleep, and breathe fitness. I was a making a living from my favorite hobby at the time. How rad, right?
It was until it wasn’t.
After a few years, I started to feel burned out. Also, keep in mind, this was in my hustling insanely era so I did not have healthy work/life boundaries in place. I started to resent my own workouts. I didn’t want to spend my time off in the gym. I realized that I needed to step away from personal training in order to protect my personal love and passion for fitness.
Another thing that I struggle with when it comes to hobbies besides feeling like I need to capitalize on them is feeling like I need to be the absolute best at them or they aren’t worth doing.
In the BFF Membership, last year, we read a book called “That Sounds Fun” by Annie F. Downs and there’s a line in there that says, “Some things are meant to stay amateur level for us. Some things are meant to teach us and grow us and bring us joy, not income.”
YES ANNIE – all the enneagram 3s say WE HEAR YOU, lol.
Turning your hobbies into responsibilities by trying to monetize them all or feeling pressure to be the best at them is adding unnecessary stress to your life. Get out of your comfort zone and do something just for fun… I dare you.
03: Allowing a constant flux of notifications into your life
A few months ago on the show, we had Liz and Annie from The Color Key on the show… and one of the life hacks they shared was to stop using your Apple Watch. In that episode, I talked about how Adam, my husband, stopped wearing his Apple Watch last year after breaking it. After a few days without one, he kept going on and on about how freeing it was.
I internally rolled my eyes because I was like, “Yeah there’s no way I could live without mine but good for you.”
Welllllll in November, shortly after doing that podcast interview with The Color Key gals, I decided to give ditching my Apple Watch a go. I’d been an almost daily Apple Watch wearer for the better part of 5 years. It felt like an extension of my wrist I was so used to it.
Listen y’all, I didn’t even have many notifications enabled on my watch… like hardly any… and I was SHOCKED at how not wearing my Apple Watch made me feel less anxious.
I guess I didn’t realize how many times a day I was looking at my watch to see who was calling or texting. If I got a notification that a library hold was ready, I’d stop whatever I was doing and pull it up on my phone. If a package of mine shipped, the Shop app would send an alert to my watch.
My attention was constantly being broken up throughout the day and I guess I didn’t realize how much anxiety and stress that was causing over time.
It’s really hard to describe unless you try it yourself but it really is so freeing. When I shared on Instagram that I stopped wearing my Apple Watch, I got an influx of messages from others who also stopped and shared their perspectives of how healing it was for them, too.
Our addiction to being “in the know” all the time via an endless stream of notifications is for sure adding unnecessary stress to our lives.
Here are some things I’ve done to help reduce the influx of notifications in my life:
– Traded my Apple Watch for a wellness ring
I’m a health and wellness girlie at heart and that’s the one thing I missed about my Apple Watch – the health stats and data it gave me. So I got an Ultrahuman Ring Air to track things like my sleep and workouts. I’ve been wearing it since November and I AM OBSESSED. I love that I have to manually go into the app on my phone to see anything (I don’t have notifications enabled on my phone for the app) – it’s not buzzing on my body all day and distracting my attention.
I have a highlight on Instagram sharing my experience with the Ultrahuman Ring Air and I also have a 10% off code (UHJESS10)
– Limit the notifications that I have enabled on my phone
– Unsubscribe from email lists I don’t want to be on
– Keep my work email off of my phone
I talk in more detail about these things in episode 243 and episode 248 of the podcast if you want to tune in more!
Do an inventory of where you have notifications coming from and see where you can cut some out to help lower unnecessary stress in your day-to-day life.
04: Multitasking
Everybody take a deep breath and put your pitchforks down… I know people feel some type of way when productivity coaches tell them that multitasking is actually counterintuitive.
When we attempt to multitask, our brain is rapidly switching between tasks. This constant switching taxes our brains. It essentially tires it out and makes it less efficient. This affects our ability to focus our attention in general, even when we are not multitasking.
So you can pretend that you’re good at multitasking or that multitasking is supporting you well, but when we get down to the science of it, our brains were not created to thrive when they’re multitasking.
Now I’m not talking about surface-level multitasking here – like stirring dinner while you fold laundry. Or talking on the phone with a friend while you watch your toddler do a coloring activity. I’m referring to trying to multitask when you’re doing deep-level tasks.
When we try to do more than one task at a time that requires actual brain power, it causes more stress, more errors, and the tasks wind up taking so much longer.
I was reading an article from Brown Health that shared some things that can arise due to multitasking:
Cognitive overload: Multitasking can lead to cognitive overload, which can cause stress and have serious physiological effects on the brain.
Stress hormones: Multitasking increases the production of cortisol, the stress hormone, and adrenaline, the fight-or-flight hormone.
Blood pressure and heart rate: Multitasking can temporarily increase blood pressure and heart rate.
Depression and anxiety: Multitasking is associated with symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Frustration and burnout: Multitasking can make you feel like you're not making any progress, which can lead to frustration, anxiety, and burnout.
Multitasking can also lead to a cycle of stress:
You feel like you're not getting enough done or are distracted.
You try to multitask more to keep up.
You feel more stressed that you can't keep up.
When I first started Hustle Sanely, I would leave my inbox open all day long. Anytime a new email popped up, I’d stop what I was working on to address the new email. I’d work 10 hour days and feel like I had nothing to show for it… because I was trying to do everything at once instead of working on one thing well at a time.
And hey, I know that sometimes, you can’t fully complete one task before moving on to the next. That’s fine. Use time blocking to help hold you accountable to not get trapped in the multitasking scam.
It might take you more time than you’d like to get things done BUT at least you are getting them done and the way you’re getting them done is supportive of your mental health.
Stop stressing yourself out by trying to multitask!
05: Trying to keep up with the Joneses
We’ve all heard the saying “Keeping up with the Joneses” – I looked up what it actually means and it’s an idiom, that refers to the pressure to “keep up” with your neighbor's social status, wealth, or popularity. It refers to the way people constantly compare themselves to a neighbor and strive to accumulate the same material goods.
And thanks to social media, we’ve got access to a lot of virtual neighbors.
I think sometimes we subconsciously compare what we’re doing and/or how we’re doing it to others – as in we don’t even realize we’re doing it because it’s so subtle.
We’re just doing our thing, sipping an iced latte, watching some Instagram stories…so fun, so causal. We do this every day. You start to see the same people’s stuff day after day and teeny tiny thoughts start to pop up in your mind like:
– Oh so and so is doing really well in her business… maybe I should try XYZ like her
– So and so’s outfits are always so cute! Maybe I’ll just add a few things she’s linked to my cart.
– So and so’s kids seem so well-behaved and advanced… I need to read that parenting book she recommended.
These thoughts seem harmless, right? And they can be if you are in a mentally healthy place and you’re taking the time to regularly work through limiting beliefs, get clear on your vision, and pursue your priorities. (sound familiar? I hope so because those are part of The Hustle Sanely Planning System!)
Where it gets sticky and adds stress is if you let these thoughts make you feel less than in any way… like you’re not doing enough, like you don’t have enough, etc. It’s so okay to feel inspired by others but what we don’t want to happen is to feel jealous or competitive towards others.
So I encourage you to check your mindset and make sure that you’re not trying to keep up with the Joneses because that will for sure add unnecessary stress to your life.
There you have it — 5 things causing unnecessary stress in your life! I hope this episode met you where you were at… I’d be so grateful if you shared it on your Instagram story and tagged me @jessmassey and @hustlesanely so we can spread the message of Hustle Sanely together!
READY TO DITCH OVERWHELM FOR GOOD & START LIVING A PEACEFULLY PRODUCTIVE LIFE?
Loved this blog post? Tune into the full podcast episode below!
