How to Design an Evening Routine You'll Actually Do
Keep reading this post to learn:
⋒ The purpose of an evening routine and why you might be struggling to implement one
⋒ 4 steps to take to build an evening routine you’ll ✨ actually ✨ do
⋒ Some tangible examples of what your evening routine could look like
I shared this a few blog posts ago but I used to be on the struggle bus with my evening routine. So if that’s you right now… I feel you because that was me for most of my adult life, lol. 😅
I’ve found that when it comes to my evening routine, I need a lot more flexibility/fluidity because my evenings are less structured than my mornings and afternoons. Some evenings my husband works, some evenings I meet a friend for a walk or dinner, some evenings my energy is low and I do not feel like reading, etc.
I used to try and structure my evening routines like I do my morning routines and I could not for the life of me figure out why there was a disconnect. Why I was dreading my evening routine, skipping my evening routine altogether, and in this cycle of passing out on the couch and then waking up mad at 1 AM as I trudged into the bedroom to hopefully fall back asleep in the bed.
You see, my mornings are way different than my evenings for 2 reasons:
01: I am a morning person and naturally have more energy in the mornings than I do at night.
02: My mornings have more time-bound events than my evenings do, which sparks a sense of urgency in me to get things done.
Once I realized that I was trying to design an evening routine that mirrored my morning routine, that’s when I had a lightbulb moment and understood why my evening routines weren’t working for me. I am a different version of myself in the evenings than I am in the mornings so I needed a routine that supported evening Jess.
Let me explain – morning Jess is a ball of energy. She is raring to go. She is motivated, loves structure, thrives on a schedule, and has a sharp mind ready to take action. She loves a plan.
Evening Jess is softer – she’s got less energy. She wants more wiggle room and the opportunity to make choices based on how she’s feeling. She is moody – sometimes she likes to read and sometimes she likes to watch TV and sometimes she likes to play a card game, and sometimes she likes to get dinner with a friend. She loves choices.
Maybe you’re like the old me and you’re having a hard time finding an evening routine that works for you – we’re gonna fix that today, okay? Remember that there isn’t anything wrong with you. You’re not broken…you just haven’t found a routine that’s a good fit for you in your current season of life.
Before I tell you what I did to help me design an evening routine that I actually like and follow through with, I want to quickly chat through some reasons why your evening routine might not be working:
~ You’re complicating it.
Maybe evening you is like evening me and she is here for a nice, chill time and having a rigid routine feels offputting. Keep it simple and lean into the softer, evening version of yourself.
~ You’re filling it with habits that don’t make sense for your season.
Maybe what you are trying to do just does not make sense for your season of life. Be attuned to that. What’s worked in the past might not work now because your life looks different!
~ You’re putting too much pressure on yourself to have a perfect routine.
First of all, the perfect routine literally does not exist. Maybe it does on paper, but it doesn’t in real life. You might be more attached to the tasks or habits that make up the routine than you are to the intention behind the routine and that’s a slippery slope. Here’s the thing – when we’re more attached to why we’re doing the routine, then we can be more gracious and flexible with ourselves when things don’t go perfectly according to plan. Let’s say the intention of your evening routine is to wind you down for a peaceful night of sleep – there are lots of ways you can accomplish that. But when we’re more attached to the habits themselves, that’s when perfectionism can creep in and we get upset with ourselves for not checking the box that we journaled, did our skincare, read 50 pages, tidied the kitchen, yadda yadda.
Soooo keeping all of what I just shared in mind, here are some steps that I came up with to help you design an evening routine you’ll actually do:
01: Figure out the “evening version” of you in your current season.
I shared a little bit ago the difference between morning Jess and evening Jess. now it’s your turn to figure out what the evening version of you is during this season of your life!
What is her mood?
How are her energy levels?
What kinds of things make sense for her to do?
I’m a huge fan of energy assessments… actually, in The Hustle Sanely Lifestyle course, there is an entire energy assessment exercise to help you determine when certain tasks make the most sense for you to do them based on how your energy fluctuates throughout the day.
Please go sign up for the course if you need help creating routines and learning how to escape the cycle of feeling constantly burned out and behind in life…because that is not how your life should feel. If you use the code PEACEFULLIFE, you’ll get $50 off the course… that’s how badly I want to see you in there!
Once you’re clear on evening version of you, you can move on to step 2:
02: Decide what the intention of your evening routine is.
What is the purpose behind your evening routine? You have to know this before you can create an evening routine, otherwise, you’ll just be trying to do habits for funsies and that’s not actually fun, lol. And when you answer this question, answer for your current season of life.
“What’ the point of my evening routine?” and “How do I want to feel in the evenings?” are 2 good questions to ask yourself to help uncover the intention behind your evening routine.
You see, there are lots of ways we can bring an intention to fruition. So like I mentioned earlier, when we know the point of our evening routine, we can support ourselves in making that happen in different ways based on how that day went.
In my current season of life, the intentions of my evening routine are to prep for a restful night of sleep, get some mental rest/decompress, and spend intentional time with my husband on the nights he’s not working.
Your intentions are like your north star – whatever you do in the evening should point back to them.
03: Choose actions that drive the intention.
What habits or activities help you accomplish your intentions? I personally love using the routine menu method for my evening routine. A routine menu is when you have a list of habits or actions to choose from during a certain routine.
Some things on my evening routine menu in this season are:
~ Read fiction
~ Watch YouTube
~ Watch a show with my husband
~ Play a card game with my husband
~ Have dinner with a friend
I don’t do all of these things every evening – but these are things that help me accomplish my intentions. I’m able to choose 1-2 things from the menu every night to help support my evening intentions.
04: Decide what your evening non-negotiables are.
I do find it helpful to have a few habits that are non-negotiables in my evening routine.
My current evening routine non-negotiables are:
~ Journaling (this takes me like 3 minutes – I answer the evening prompts in the Peacefully Productive Journal which are: What energized me today? What drained me today? What was my favorite part of today?”)
~ Doing my skincare
~ Doing a quick tidy of the living room/kitchen areas
~ Putting my phone to bed by 8:45
~ Drinking my magnesium
~ Being in bed by 10:30
None of these take a lot of time or effort. I view them as anchors in my evening – things that I can count on to keep me grounded. I know that doing these things daily makes me feel my best mentally so they’re important to do even on the nights I don’t feel like it.
My non-negotiables take me 30 minutes or less in the evenings and I spend the rest of my evenings filling in the gaps with whatever I’m in the mood for from my evening routine menu.
One little bonus tip that is helpful for some people is designing different evening routines based on the different types of evenings you have.
If you have a partner who works some nights, design an evening routine for the nights they’re home and one for the nights they work.
If you have a kid who plays sports, design an evening routine for the nights they have practice and one for the nights you’re home all evening.
You get it.
One last thing before we wrap up – if you’re new to routines and you’re having a really hard time wrapping your mind around creating a full-on routine at once…like that feels like going from 0 to 100 to you, I highly recommend checking out the book called Tiny Habits. We are reading it in the BFF Membership this quarter and it’s been really insightful for how people who have a hard time with being action-oriented with goals and routines can make real progress by turning habits into tiny habits.
It’s what you think… instead of saying you’re going to meditate for 30 minutes a day (when you currently do not meditate at all, lol) you start by meditating for maybe 30 seconds after you brush your teeth.
It’s a great book and I’ll probably do an entire blog post and podcast episode on the concept because like I said, it’s been really insightful!
Alright y’all that is what I’ve got for you today – how to design an evening routine you’ll actually do! If you loved this blog post (or podcast episode if. you listened over there), pretty please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me (@jessmmassey) so I can see!
INTRODUCING
The Hustle Sanely Lifestyle Course
If you need support in building routines, you 100% need to sign up for The Hustle Sanely Lifestyle Course so I can coach you in creating a peacefully productive life! Use the code PEACEFULLIFE to save $50 on the course – this course is literally the entire Hustle Sanely Planning System broken down in one place. It’s all the tools and strategies you need to ditch overwhelm once and for all…not only am I teaching you the tools, but I’m also showing you how I do everything in my own life, annnd giving you exercises to put everything into practice in your life. I’m super proud of it and can’t wait to see you in there!
Loved this blog post? Tune into the full podcast episode below!
