What To Do When Your Loved Ones Don't Support Your Dreams
Feeling like your friends + fam don't have your back when it comes to your dream?
This can be a sticky situation to talk about because every family + friend relationship dynamic is different. There isn’t a one size fits all solution when you feel like your family and friends don’t have your back when it comes to your dreams.
Here’s what I remind myself: we can’t control what other people say or think or act like. We can only control what we say or think or act like.
But hey, I’m not gonna leave you hanging without some action steps so today, I'm sharing 3 things you can try if you feel like your loved ones don’t support your dreams.
Before I share the tips with you, I wanna share something else. It’s a blanket statement that kind of covers almost every situation:
Instead of focusing on pleasing everyone, focus on loving them instead.
I heard a variation of that quote from Bob Goff and adapted it a bit but let it sink in. We run around and around in circles trying to get everyone to be on board with every single thing we’re doing. What if instead of trying to make everyone become our personal cheerleader, we spent our time and energy pursuing our dream well AND loving the people in our life well. Because you can do both, you know? Like one doesn’t have to depend on the other.
But I also want to acknowledge that it’s hard and to be quite frank, it sucks when you feel like you’re not being supported. But your ability to pursue your dream does not depend on the applause that you’re getting or not getting from people - even people you care about. Dreamwork takes a lot of heart. It’s messy. It’s emotional. It takes a lot of time and energy. The last thing you want to have to navigate is convincing people in your life to support what you’re doing. I get it, believe me.
Here’s what I remind myself: we can’t control what other people say or think or act like. We can only control what we say or think or act like. But hey, I’m not gonna leave you hanging without some action steps so here are 3 things you can try if you feel like your loved ones don’t support your dreams:
1) Explain the SWI part of your dream to them.
If you listened to episode 062 of the podcast, then you might remember what SWI means. But just in case you forgot or haven’t listened yet, S, W, and I make up the first half of the acronym S.W.I.T.C.H. - around here, we use the Hustle Sanely S.W.I.T.C.H. Goal Mapping Method to help us pursue purposeful dreams without sacrificing our mental health and relationships.
S stands for SPECIFIC
W stands for WHY ATTACHED
I stands for IMPACT-DRIVEN
If you feel like a loved one isn’t on board with your dream, the first thing I suggest you doing is getting crystal clear on these things so you can explain them to them, because truthfully, it may not be that they don’t support you, it may just be that they don’t understand your dream. Maybe they really don’t understand how your blog is going to help new moms adjust to motherhood. Or how going back to school to become a social worker is heavy on your heart because of an encounter you had with someone at the grocery that struck a chord in your spirit to make a change in the adoption system.
We have to remember that while yes, we spend a lot of our own headspace thinking about our dreams in detail, people can’t read our minds. Take some time to clearly communicate exactly what you are working toward, why it’s important to you, and how you are confident that it is going to make an impact on others. Not only will this, most likely, open the hearts of your loved ones, but it’s going to be a super solid reminder for YOU of why you are pursuing this dream in the first place. The more connected we are to our why, the more healthily motivated we are to pursue our dream.
The second thing you can try if you feel like a loved one doesn’t support your dream is
2) Tell them how they can make you feel supported.
Like straight up from your mouth to their ears. Y’all I’ve been with my husband for 15 years in November - married for almost 6 but together for 15. One thing I have learned is that being passive aggressive or silently hoping that someone picks up on what you need from them is not serving ANYONE - it’s not serving you because you’re sitting there harboring resentment and it’s not serving them because you're not clearly communicating your thoughts and feelings and that robs them of the opportunity to show up better for you.
And when I say tell them, TELL THEM. Don’t be vague. Because they genuinely may not realize that you don’t feel supported.
Y’all know I’m all about shooting it to you straight - we are grown ups. Adults. Our energy is better spent just being clear about our needs from the get go. If something your loved one does or doesn’t do makes you feel unsupported - let em know! You know your heart best - whether that means telling them in the moment or waiting a few hours to allow yourself time to process so you don’t spew on them - communicate however you do best. Tell your loved one exactly how they can show up for you to make you feel supported.
And the third thing you can try if you feel like your loved ones aren’t being supportive of your dreams:
3) Remember that your ability to pursue your dream does not depend on people clapping loudly for you.
Your dream is on your heart for a reason - you are equipped to carry it into the world and use it to serve others. Maybe the person you don’t feel supported by isn’t ever going to fully understand your dream. Or give you the encouragement that you’re seeking from them. That’s a bummer - it really is. But you’re not pursuing the dream to please them.
If your loved one doesn’t fit the description of your ideal client (aka who you’re serving through this dream of yours) then sometimes we have to be okay with getting support from other places when it comes to your dream.
When I see my friends and they ask me how work is going and I share some things that are going on in my business, they will apologize for not being on the up with what I’ve got going on. “Oh I’m sorry I didn’t know, I haven’t been on social media much.” I do not hold that against them. I have made some friends online who get my dream. They understand what I’m pursuing and how it’s serving others. These gals who I’ve created friendships with because of the Internet are who I know I can go to for advice and cheering on when it comes to my dreams. Not only that, but I don’t expect every person on earth to know the ins and outs of what I’ve got going on. That’s unrealistic. Plus, tbh, I could definitely improve on getting out of my own little bubble and checking in on people in my life to see how their dreams are going, too.
And hey just to keep it real, I have other people in my life who will straight up say, “You post too many stories on Instagram so I don’t watch them.” THAT IS OKAY! My stories probably aren’t going to serve them because I am speaking to my online community - the Hustle Sanely Squad - when I’m storying. Not my Uncle Bob or my brother. I’m not going to stop serving the babes who need my help being peacefully productive because my brother doesn’t resonate with what I share, you know?
Remember that people have their own lives, their own capacities for what they can give their attention to, and their own things to focus on. I’ve chosen to release any resentment toward people in my life who don’t seem to support my dream and instead spend that valuable energy uh ya know...doing my dream!
I want you to know something - in this space you are so loved and cared for! Your dreams, while not your identity, matter! I know how lonely it can be to run after your big, bold dreams if you feel like the people around you don’t quite get it. That’s EXACTLY why I created the Hustle Sanely BFF membership!
It’s a place where we can learn and grow together…personal development with a plan and accountability via the best community on the Internet (if you ask me…and I’m gonna pretend you did 😂)
You were not created to pursue your dreams alone, girl! There is a community here for you to link arms with!
If you enjoyed this post, tune into episode 064 of The Hustle Sanely Podcast to listen into this topic!
